As lockdown has us shut off from the magic found in one addict sharing a smoke and experience after a meeting with another, limited the joy found in confiding in a fellow over their 3rd cup of coffee, and blocked sponsies from the comfort felt when meeting with their sponsors for step work, its normal to literally feel disconnected.
Under ever step lies a spiritual principle, of which lies the key to changing ourselves enough to avoid going back to the people we used to be and aimed at helping us become who we always were meant to be. But without a world to practice these principles in all our affairs, days spent alone on repeat can often make us feel like nothing is changing. For an addict who isn’t growing is an addict plagued with despair. Continuous growth is what keeps us from looking back. Gives us hope and helps us move forward.
But it may feel like you are not moving, trapped, stuck in some existential crisis forced to sit still and wait for this all to pass. Tolerate and have unwavering patience. But with a gentle perspective we remember that our freedom has never been and never will be outside ourselves. Not the new job, the next home, the future partner, the thing you are “missing” right now. The freedom is in seeing how much you must have grown and continue to grow if you are reading this clean and sober right now. You have never been more connected, had more trust in yourself, had this much inner strength and wisdom than you do right now. It has taken a lot, if not all the commitment you have to your recovery to get here! And for that you can be so proud of yourself!
It might feel like you’re running but sometimes, we need to learn to run today so we can walk tomorrow.
Thinking of you all,